Virgin Girl

I am the virgin.
Yeah, still.
Believe it or not.
Though my head is enamored
By sex
And I record every thought.

I stayed a virgin before I knew Jesus
Because I am terrified of being touched.
I freeze up beneath the bodies of boys
And I
Never enjoy much.

I just flinch.
I wish sex was as wonderful as I make it in my
Poetry.

But every married friend I have says they endure it.
We wait our whole lives dying as virgins
And then we give ourselves to the person "God has for us".
Because it is holy.
Then we are torn to shreds
And left to grieve the humanity of it...
The gorgeous thing we were promised would be ethereal.

Lo says it hurts...
Hurts real real bad.
She once told me
About her first time
And how all she really remembers
Is
Hoping her tears wouldn't be evident.

And leaving his side to whimper quietly into a bathroom towel when it was over.

I am 25.
And I'm still too young for that kind of pain.

I get that we have all these holes in us
That cry out to be filled.

So we fill our bodies in a literal sense.
Because we are complex and simple all
At the same time.

It all just sounds like horseshit to me.