Nashville, I cannot keep up with you. Sorry. I am still smoking weed with my friends by the river in mismatched socks, checkerboard vans and snuggly Old Navy hoodies. That was back when socks were just socks, and shoes were just shoes, and brands were just brands. Maybe it's just my small town background. Maybe I was raised to invest in others and not be so self absorbed. But that is merely speculation.
Dear Nashville, life--once upon a time--was not sepia toned. I don't know if you can picture it now, but your woodland creature print collection indicates you are a creative. What was that Stump said once? "Controlled Creativity." Minimalism is art. I have to give you that. So, picture this with me: Life (or at least mine) used to never be captured on instagram. And high wasted jeans were (thank God) not back on the docket. We smiled. A lot. And we talked more than we talk now, and we got down to the meat of it. Emotions weren't reserved for nights posted up in wooden rooms with the record player whining in the background because "vinyl is the only way we can listen to music now...it's the newest thing." It is the oldest thing. And it wasn't your thing. Stop trying to make it your thing. Where is your originality?
I am not here to trash you, Nashville. That was never why I came. I came to celebrate you, thinking you held something transcendent for me. And you did. But, it is really wearing on me. I cannot stand the culture in your belly. It is becoming incredibly repugnant. I go back and forth from wanting to be like the "cool kids" to hating them so much because they do not participate in anything I stand for. I see myself slipping away in this place--losing Jade, wanting to be someone I am not. And for that fragile boundary, I guess I can only blame myself. But, I think what you are doing really doesn't work for anyone. And I think you suck.
No, it is not about the oxfords, or suspenders, or ankle boots, or wranglers, or western ponchos, or leather hats...or...whatever the hell the hipster kids are wearing these days (honestly, I cannot keep up). It is about the apathy.
Lately, I have been feeling pretty hollow in social situations. Everyone these days is "faking it". What is that John Mayer line? "She poses for pictures that aren't being taken...". Everyone is posing. Constantly. And man, it makes me miss that ganja.
Hear me out.
I feel like it is impossible for me to be transparent. I am incredibly bold and exuberant. I love to ENGAGE. But I am hitting a wall. When did everyone become so guarded and insecure? Then I think: Maybe it is just a bundle of quarter life crises. Maybe it is just because everyone is so obsessed with selling themselves they have forgotten how to actually be themselves. I suck at this. You suck at this. We suck at this.
Nashville, when are you going to be honest with me? When are you going to stop prostituting yourself out? When are we going to engage in belly laughs, and deep talks, and unveiling. When are we going to get to the good part? I am tired of your sub-culture that I can't keep up with. It makes me want to pack everything up and move home. Home: Where photos are still taken on point and shoot cameras and developed at the local Walgreens.
I digress.
