New Leaves This Color

 I am losing my baby face and beginning to panic.
 I have gained 10 pounds since December on top of the whopping 20 pounds that I welcomed during college due to cafeteria lunches and Sonic runs (and re-runs). My adult life has been emotionally turbulent at best. And due to the negative reel of my friendly eating disorder--four cheeseburgers and a side of Blue Bell has taken the place of my friend group and a significant other in my life.

 I am starting to become afraid.
 After breaking off my last serious relationship in 2010, I thought I would take a stab at dating again when the opportunity arose last September. He was a gentleman, full of adventure and an artist like myself. I could go on and on about square pegs, round holes, assholes and heartbreak. But I am going to get to the part where I am gut-wrenchingly honest about how I feel like I am losing the elusive "it" that once made me attractive. I am also going to note: I seem to be taking my clothes off at the drop of a hat to over-compensate. Who am I?
 I am not easy.
 So, why am I making it so easy to have too much of me?
 Maybe I just love the way my lacy pink bra looks when it is coming off. But, I am coming undone. I have become one of those girls who gives too much too soon because I am so afraid if I do not give I will not be received.
 I am not supermodel. I am cute at best. This is emotionally charged and rooted in death speech. But, I really do not think marriage is ever going to happen for me.
 The last three years have been really full of faking it. I loved to pretend I was too independent and that I did not need anyone therefore I did not want anyone.
 I do not need anyone. But I do...want to fall in love. That's a real thing for me.
 This year I turn 25. I am petrified.
 As of late, being a christian dude in your mid to late twenties and being a complete asshole is becoming a pandemic. They do not have a vaccination for this. I am confident the only cure is Jesus. And most of the dudes I know have music riding shotgun and Christ somewhere back at home. I am exhausted with waiting. And I feel like I am looking more ratchet by the day.
 I cannot keep up with the cool kids.

 Dear You,
 If you'll love me as I am,
 I'll love you as you are.
 Please come soon.