Detours

Flora:  "I took a drive the other day and I just wanted to wander. I kept taking roads that have dead ends so I would have an excuse to turn around--to see the past, to retrace my path and soak in everything I've already seen [incase I missed something]. I feel that way in my life all the time: like I'm missing something. Boys do not suffice for me. They are fun for awhile, but they are just people...and most of them are as sad as me--or more sad, because they don't realize they are sad.

  I think it is talent--or perhaps it is commitment--or it could possibly be that...I just don't want to stop. 

 Because what if I'm disappointed? 

 

 I don't create because it's easier to curl up in bed and close my eyes and imagine what I would do if I felt like I could do...anything. I keep waiting for someone to come along and believe in me;

  ''Cause I'm out of reasons to believe in me...'

  And no one comes except for critics who will tell me how I need to not be so idealistic--how I need to grow up. 

  I need to grow up.

  I need to decide whether I am going to leap into my destination or just keep milling around.

  I am a an endless road of detours.

  I will never be ready.

  If I stop,

  I will have to look at myself and reconcile. I'm not ready for my reflection.

  So--I just keep deliberately making stupid decisions...

  Because then

  I don't ever 

  Have to face my fears,

  And everything is always as equally impossible as it is possible."