New Leaves This Color

  I am in the process of dismantling a huge ball of lies [about creativity] with the Lord. I have been reading "The Artist's Way," and the momentum at which my life is changing is radical! I have chosen to pursue my passions and now am constantly creating, and consistently meeting with those who have gone before me. 
In this, The Lord has been revealing to me what it looks like to be vulnerable--in the kingdom...but also in art. It is a huge concept that my little sheep brain is having trouble processing. Even now, I cannot fully communicate the entirety of what I have learned. However, I feel as though it is important to share my thoughts--if for no other reason than reproof from those who love me, and are rooted more deeply in wisdom than myself. A solidified belief I have about vulnerability is that: To be vulnerable [in a healthy way], we must first know where identity rests. If we know we are royalty, and believe we are valuable--we then can open ourselves up to the good and the bad of the world without the absorption and adoption of whatever might be spoken over us. We are strong enough in who we are and who God is, to open our hearts and access empathy/sympathy/understanding while still maintaining healthy boundaries. In art--this is a huge concept. "The Artist's Way" emphasizes tenacity--notes that success rests in tenacity as opposed to talent. I agree. But I think healthy tenacity comes from the ability to be vulnerable: Vulnerable with your craft, vulnerable with others in the craft, and vulnerable with the Lord.
I am guilty. I have walked into local coffee shops, looked at the walls and mentally stated: "This art is crap."
  In hindsight, what I was REALLY saying was:
  "I wish I was bold and brave enough to put my work out there. This person must have something that I don't. And look at their work! It's not that good...after-all...I mean, I could do X better, I could do Y better...my work should be in this coffee shop."
That is jealousy breeding death straight from the enemy. But I do believe it ticks in all of us [primarily when we are unhealthy].
I find it interesting the way we view children's art:
"Oh! That house is so pretty! Oh that cow is so great! Oh that barn looks so realistic! Oh! You're such a BRILLIANT artist!"
   It is not until our peers put out their own houses, and cows, and barns, that we mentally [or verbally] attack it and--for whatever reason--say it isn't good enough.
  Why do we do that? Is not the heart of art the concept that it can ABSOLUTELY BE ANYTHING? We celebrate that art is immeasurable because as artists we hate the measurements of the world--but we are quick to use them on our neighbors. Why are we so terrible to each other?
I am finding the internal work of the artist is far more important than what they produce: On canvas, behind a microphone, on a wheel, from a roll of film.
  With that said: I am pursuing Spoken. The reason I never have before is not that I didn't "have it". It is because after I moved to Nashville I became very passive/passive aggressive. To stand up and speak my heart from a microphone would require me to learn how to confront my issues head on. When I was younger I was a master at this. I was also amazing at performance art, and the lead in every skit and play I tried out for. My performance art died when my relationships started failing. I don't think this is a coincidence. I was no longer open and vulnerable so my creativity began to wilt. Creativity is a tradeoff. You have to check your darkness at the door to obtain it. You have to let your pride die enough to absorb that your creation is not actually the product.
You are the product.